Women Are Like Elephants, Sort Of

I know someone who's awesome.

She's exactly the person I'd date if I was awesome too.

We almost never talk anymore, but I look at her pictures on Facebook. She travels the world and gets great shots of herself immersed in the culture of foreign lands, sky diving, and hang gliding over beautiful locations.

She has cocktails at magical street festivals in foreign cities I've never heard of.

Orange sunsets are the backdrop of impossible bikini pics.

If we were in our twenties, she'd surely break my heart because I'd really go for her. And even if she did date me, it would never work because I could never keep up with her.

Also, I don't like to do stuff.

I think what I like most about her is that she lives with such passion. She enjoys a freedom that most people will never understand. It's bewitching.

People say that opposites attract, but I don't think they're usually the best match.

Yeah, opposites can be fascinating. They can be exciting and riveting and dump adrenaline and dopamine into my brain better than any drug.

They also leave me with a supercharged hangover, the kind where everything hurts, even my hair and finger nails.

I think it's perfectly okay to genuinely adore someone that I know I'll never date. It's fine to really appreciate them and admire them.

And I don't mean that in a stalky way. I'm not covertly driving passed anyone's house, killing the engine and headlights so they don't know I'm coming.

Well, not since high school.

I think of my Facebook friend the way I think of elephants. That might sound weird, but bear with me for a moment.

Elephants are amazing! They're friendly, and social, and do cool stuff like make trumpet sounds with their trunks. But I probably won't ever have an elephant. I'd have no where to keep it and my lifestyle just doesn't seem to mesh with an elephant's.

So, I'm going to hang out with elephants when the opportunity presents itself. Then at the end of our time together, I'll be on my way and the elephant will go do elephant things, like creating enormous piles of poop and trampling villages.

And maybe someday I'll get to have lunch with my Facebook friend and it will be a nice time because we're both interesting people. After lunch, she might be off on a safari.

I'll smile when I see pictures of her riding an elephant.

And I won't be shoveling poop and no one will be nursing a hangover.

*Special thanks to Andrea Adam for the pic