Asking me for relationship advice is like asking me to command a starship.
Actually, I’d be better with the starship.
As far as relationships go, I could parrot stuff wise people have told me, stuff I’ve read in books, or quote romantic lines from movies.
But I’m no expert on love.
I mean, I’m not in a relationship now, and I’ve never been married.
Seems silly to ask me for advice, eh?
I’ve got some skills and tips to help someone make it through an anxiety attack or a total friggin’ meltdown.
I can teach you some stuff about drumming, or martial arts, or meditation.
I’ve even got some badass recipes for easy vegan soups.
But I received an email just the other day from a reader who was asking my advice, or if I’d written any posts that could pertain to his current situation. It seems he’s been in a 15 month relationship with someone he loves, but has found someone new, younger, and sexier.
He mentioned that his current girlfriend is too “tame” in the bedroom and that when he tries to talk to her about it, she gets defensive. He feels really despondent about his needs not being met. His relationship with his girlfriend is otherwise good, but he’s in total lust with the new, much younger woman.
I really wanted to give this guy some mind-blowing advice. I wanted to sit down and create a post about communication, or something about the grass is always greener, or the challenges of dating someone 17 years younger.
Or, I could’ve reminded him that women aren’t mere sexual objects for his gratification.
I could’ve gotten on my soapbox about how he ought to be thankful that someone wants to be in a relationship with him and how everyone’s eyes wander occasionally. That’s part of being human. It’s perfectly natural and okay. But it doesn’t have to be acted on.
And in many, many cases, it shouldn’t be.
But I didn’t write any of those things. Instead, I pulled a Dr Drew and responded to his email suggesting that he talk to a professional therapist or counselor. Maybe together they could work out what he should do. Or, maybe they could look at his thoughts and feelings towards women or relationships in general.
Because that guy was suffering. And Life is full of it. Judging or criticizing each other isn’t helpful, even if they are doing things or living a life that I don’t agree with or understand. And I think one of the worst things we can do, besides judging, is giving unqualified advice.
Now, if I only had a starship.